I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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