you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
