cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Hippo gnu deer
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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