I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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