the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
