Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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