I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
