WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
