im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
