matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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