I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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