i can't believe i had my finger in that
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
