I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
