This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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