apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
