i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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