someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
