the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
