"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Acid is not a monday night drug
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
