thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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