It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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