i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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