if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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