hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
