Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Randomize
