you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
