I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Randomize
