Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
