Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
