I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
