If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
