i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Randomize
