I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
