Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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