the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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