am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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