i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
