I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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