everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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