I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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