Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
