Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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