OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Drunk is a universal language darling
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
