My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Boobs are out for the taking
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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