totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
They left me at home... I'm a liability
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
