she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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