once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
