I met the friendliest cop last night
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
