So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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