remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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