it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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